Attitude of the High

With regards to the Ms. Wee episode, with her father finally making a full apology in our national paper. I’ll say, do let us drop the event for the moment, and let us be magnanimous, let the matter rest. Ms. Wee is after all, just 18, one whom is still concentrating on her studies whom had not known what it is to be like within the society to make one’s own living; until she has reached of age, when she had made her own mark within the society, have her own family and having served within the society; what she had said, or written would have to be taken in context to that background, and let us reserve our judgement till then.

And perhaps let us take joy in what what little victory that our voice had achieved. I personally agreed with what Kitana had mentioned in her recent post, do head there and take a look, and see what happens when we have that little voice to effect that little bit of change.

 It is just that attitude of our society, especially of those whom had been sitting up atop the pedestals of our state, which had caught my attention. The disconnection, antipathy, and insensitivity of replies in our leaders’ statements had always not failed to pull my feelings of cynicism of their words to the fore time and again.

It wasn’t that long ago, when Kitana had mentioned of why would she want to leave Singapore, and Kway Teow Man had put forth his questions to her reasoning; seeking to clarify his own doubts. While I felt that Kitana’s words had deeply resonated with mine, I had decided on my own accord to write a reply to his questioning, hoping that it might answer his questions. It was in the midst of our correspondence, I had wrote with regards to what exactly are the push factors that are actually driving us away. And it was here, I felt that the attitudes of Ms. Wee’s father, and what some of the statements of our MPs to the recent Mr Tan’s suicide, had echoed what I felt in what I had written to KTM.

 And here, I reproduce my second correspondence of my reply to KTM over email in full for your read.

Re KTM,

Well, I am glad to know that you’ve gone thru my mail and had replied with your own views with regards to some of my own.

Personally, you are right that I am a political activist at heart, though I am not sure if all that “upset” are caused by the fact that I was not heard. There are many other things I guess, some of which had already been covered by other people’s blogs, therefore I don’t intend to cover. To be honest, I think I had already gotten quite used to not being heard, I’ve had several writings to ST as well, and I don’t think any made it through (probably wrote it with a little more energy than the editors are able to swallow), mostly relating to topics such as our education system, ERP and fare hikes, the little exchange by our MM and our reporters, the pointless (pre-CSJ saga) Hong Lim park, and some other issues.

For me, I may not sell Char Kway Teow for a living, but yes, similarly content with my job as a sales engineer at a Japanese company. As one whom had gone through our famed education system, for a very long time, I had never realised what exactly is the problem when I as made to study relentlessly in pursue of academic success, the questions poised to my teachers and parents had only rendered me replies in realising my dreams in the future. And it was only later, when the questions became clearer, I start to ask, for all these years, the academic success for whom? And the dreams that I were seeking, were they really my own?

Doubtless, for years, the qualities which had sustained our economy, our workrate, the quality which had been encouraged by the government, to be hardworking, would mean you are able to sustain your lifestyle and perhaps your family, and to work even harder to earn substantial material wealth perhaps to brag to the rest of the extended family. That same quality being applied to our education system, to study really hard in order to achieve all that.

My parents bought that thought process, and thus, for years I was driven, sometimes by talk, mostly by cane to reach a point where I had been at the top. I was happy, happy that my parents were happy, happy that perhaps for a month or two during the holidays there wouldn’t be any caning or reprimands that my homework isn’t up to scratch. The process continued year after year, from primary school to seconday, and there, I stopped. I was tired, tired to continue the process, wondering when it will stop, I start to evaluate my dreams, wondering if all that studying would help me achieve what I want, and what do I really want?

It was when, I realised, I don’t really have a dream.

From there, I stumbled, I had stopped that relentless surge to maintain my academic grades, and in my mind was, whats the point? I started to indulge in things which I had not really had the chance to do in those years of studying, basketball till really late into the evening, video games at arcades, and late night outings to newton hawker centre. I just realised that I was tired, too tired to continue and I just wanted to be happy, life is supposed to be simple isn’t it?

It was till when my mum was freaked out by my sudden change, and her tears told me what was wrong, it was when it struck me that it was the society’s perception to success, that drive to success had forced itself on individuals. At that point in time I was 15? There I was thinking of things that I never thought that I myself as a 15 year old would have thought of. While my classmates were talking about that new pager or discussing about how to solve a chemistry 10 year series question, there I was wondering about the society’s pressure, my parents’ perceptions, and finding my dreams all over again.

And here I am, relating my my own path to someone whom I had never met, but yes, I have came face to face with this problem, and I did not let it wash over me as something which I should accept, simply because its reasonable to me. And this is not just my problem, but our society’s problem, when I mentioned of the limits and pressures set by others, and of our leaders’ views whom they think were superior than the rest. Does this mean that these views are meant to supplant the rest? and to force this set of values, which does not always work out there within the global arena, on us? And the next kid to question himself, why?

It affects me KTM, it does, and it isn’t about whether or not if I have been heard by the government, but of the consequences when they choose not to hear and impose it upon us. When I gave it even more thought, you’ll know its not the education system that is at fault, but the attitude, the attitude of which that economic success overrides all and with that you would attain a vicious cycle, the more the government continues on its drive to economic dominance, its going to affect its policies on its education, social welfare, public transport, civil liberties foreign diplomacy, and so on. To me, the most grevious of all injustices had not been the “stop at two” or even the ISA, but the attitude adopted by our leaders, the overriding principle which had been guiding our policy formulation. That, is the thing which will affect all Singaporeans no matter which field you may choose to do, where you may choose to study, or even where you wish to retire to.

And it is this attitude of our leaders, this self-centred view, that disallows all alternative views to their own, that dismisses positive feedbacks to them, had filtered down to the everyday Singaporeans. And together within this oppressed environment, as a whole, the people within the society decides, why should I be bothered when others do not, when the elites do not, I should just mind my own business and not be concerned. I’ve read the recent entry on the online ST forum by Seah Min Yi, as someone as young as her would even ask such a question on why had our social community start to deviate this way? When our education system were telling them to be more caring, when our leaders are telling us to be more concern, you ask why? Simply because, it starts with the attitude, an attitude which permeates through the society, from the top down, when our leadership deems Singapore lands too expensive for our old and aged.

I am not saying that all Singaporeans are like that, for there are those like you and me whom are concerned, and constantly wondering what went wrong with the likes of the everyday Singaporean. We may have our differences with regards to what may seem to have gone wrong with our society, but yes, the thing that truly bother me are not the tying of upgrading carrots to election, the suppression of our rights, or our education system, its our attitude.

And I have reached this point of my life, by adjusting to changes that I had made to my own life. But there will be the ones that I could not and perhaps never alter, that is the perception of this society, and I will remain to wait, to see change, and when I do not, or perhaps, got sick of the waiting, I might leave. Because like a lot of other people in this world, I just wish to be happy and continue to pursue my dreams, and not simply because when one fails, I had to forsake the rest of them.

And perhaps, maybe you are right on one point, the main problem with our society is not with our government, but the people, but I’ll stick to one point, that is, the government is a part of this society, and when the leadership attempts to subvert people’s minds to stop the progression as we could see in many areas of our society, the result, would be more drones within our society, the ones whom could think would leave, and leaving nothing but a shell in its place.

Perhaps my assessment is a tad grim, and there are some whom might share this assessment, I haven’t… yet, and I hope I never will.

And yes, it had been a pleasure for me as well to chat, I might have been rambling along sometimes. Do forgive me.

Regards
Azmodeus

~ by azmodeus on October 27, 2006.